this also means i may not be able to run tomorrow morning . hopefully i will . running in rain is actually nice . however, my mom hates it when my dad gets up early since she gets up early too . other news: my mom explained to us why she would get a divorce . i wonder whether they will still pay my loans . where she will go – the philippines ? will i see her ? if they divorce before graduation, will they sit in the same car, stay in the same room, fight even more ?

we’re watching a doc on dogs right now . my mom decided not to come downstairs to watch since my dad keeps screaming at her whenever she says things that are offensive to people – having no conception of boundaries at all .

the other irony is that they poured everything that they had into the children . my brother and i had an amazing education at private universities that are in the top tier . we will both be able to get professional degrees of some sort, at least some graduate school . yes, education is something you can take wherever you go . no one can take it away from you . it is possibly the best investment a person can make . but education is something that you can buy . my brother and i did not have to take out loans . i will not have to pay any loans back . but i almost think that i would have rather gone to community college or have had to pay my own education if my parents loved one another . because you can buy an education but you cannot buy a relationship between your parents that is loving . it almost seems as though the education was not worth it if their relationship was the cost that we are paying . because yes, you take your education wherever you go . it is mobile . it never leaves . but a bad relationship between parents and the resulting divorce or separation are also things that children take with them wherever they go . never leaves .

i feel as though the future is so close . next year, i’ll be studying for the bar, hopefully will have a job, but who really knows ? where i will be . what i will be doing . when life really starts – when you work . if you work . whether i’ll travel and w/ whom . everything changes so much, so quickly . it’s quite demoralizing . i feel so old . finally . really .

¹When he came down from the mountainside, large crowds followed him. ²A man with leprosy^[a] came and knelt before him and said, “Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.”

Lord, now indeed I find
Thy pow’r and Thine alone,
Can change the leper’s spots,
And melt the heart of stone.

⁸The centurion replied, “Lord, I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. But just say the word, and my servant will be healed. ⁹For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, ‘Go,’ and he goes; and that one, ‘Come,’ and he comes. I say to my servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it.”

²³Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him. ²⁴Without warning, a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. ²⁵The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!”

²⁶He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.

¹Jesus stepped into a boat, crossed over and came to his own town. ²Some men brought to him a paralytic, lying on a mat. When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, “Take heart, son; your sins are forgiven.”

⁴Knowing their thoughts, Jesus said, “Why do you entertain evil thoughts in your hearts? ⁵Which is easier: to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up and walk’? ⁶But so that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins….” Then he said to the paralytic, “Get up, take your mat and go home.” ⁷And the man got up and went home. ⁸When the crowd saw this, they were filled with awe; and they praised God, who had given such authority to men.

⁹As Jesus went on from there, he saw a man named Matthew sitting at the tax collector’s booth. “Follow me,” he told him, and Matthew got up and followed him.

¹⁰While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew’s house, many tax collectors and “sinners” came and ate with him and his disciples. ¹¹When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and ‘sinners’?”

¹²On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. ¹³But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’^[e] For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”

²⁹Then he touched their eyes and said, “According to your faith will it be done to you”; ³⁰and their sight was restored. Jesus warned them sternly, “See that no one knows about this.” ³¹But they went out and spread the news about him all over that region.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. ⁴Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. ⁵If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. ⁶But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. ⁷That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; ⁸he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

⁹The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. ¹⁰But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. ¹¹For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business.

¹⁶Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers. ¹⁷Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. ¹⁸He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.

¹⁹My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, ²⁰for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.²¹Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.

²²Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. ²³Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror²⁴and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. ²⁵But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.

²⁶If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. ²⁷Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from saving me,
so far from the words of my groaning?

² O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer,
by night, and am not silent.

³ Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One;
you are the praise of Israel. ^[a]

⁴ In you our fathers put their trust;
they trusted and you delivered them.

⁵ They cried to you and were saved;
in you they trusted and were not disappointed.

⁶ But I am a worm and not a man,
scorned by men and despised by the people.

⁷ All who see me mock me;
they hurl insults, shaking their heads:

⁸ “He trusts in the LORD;
let the LORD rescue him.
Let him deliver him,
since he delights in him.”

⁹ Yet you brought me out of the womb;
you made me trust in you
even at my mother’s breast.

¹⁰ From birth I was cast upon you;
from my mother’s womb you have been my God.

¹¹ Do not be far from me,
for trouble is near
and there is no one to help.

¹² Many bulls surround me;
strong bulls of Bashan encircle me.

¹³ Roaring lions tearing their prey
open their mouths wide against me.

¹⁴ I am poured out like water,
and all my bones are out of joint.
My heart has turned to wax;
it has melted away within me.

¹⁵ My strength is dried up like a potsherd,
and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth;
you lay me ^[b] in the dust of death.

¹⁶ Dogs have surrounded me;
a band of evil men has encircled me,
they have pierced ^[c] my hands and my feet.

¹⁷ I can count all my bones;
people stare and gloat over me.

¹⁸ They divide my garments among them
and cast lots for my clothing.

¹⁹ But you, O LORD, be not far off;
O my Strength, come quickly to help me.

²⁰ Deliver my life from the sword,
my precious life from the power of the dogs.

²¹ Rescue me from the mouth of the lions;
save ^[d] me from the horns of the wild oxen.

²² I will declare your name to my brothers;
in the congregation I will praise you.

²³ You who fear the LORD, praise him!
All you descendants of Jacob, honor him!
Revere him, all you descendants of Israel!

²⁴ For he has not despised or disdained
the suffering of the afflicted one;
he has not hidden his face from him
but has listened to his cry for help.

²⁵ From you comes the theme of my praise in the great assembly;
before those who fear you ^[e] will I fulfill my vows.

²⁶ The poor will eat and be satisfied;
they who seek the LORD will praise him—
may your hearts live forever!

²⁷ All the ends of the earth
will remember and turn to the LORD,
and all the families of the nations
will bow down before him,

²⁸ for dominion belongs to the LORD
and he rules over the nations.

²⁹ All the rich of the earth will feast and worship;
all who go down to the dust will kneel before him—
those who cannot keep themselves alive.

³⁰ Posterity will serve him;
future generations will be told about the Lord.

³¹ They will proclaim his righteousness
to a people yet unborn—
for he has done it.

- Dietrich Bonhoeffer

¹⁰By the grace God has given me, I laid a foundation as an expert builder, and someone else is building on it. But each one should be careful how he builds. ¹¹For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. ¹²If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, ¹³his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man’s work. ¹⁴If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward. ¹⁵If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames.

¹⁶Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit lives in you? ¹⁷If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy him; for God’s temple is sacred, and you are that temple.

¹⁸Do not deceive yourselves. If any one of you thinks he is wise by the standards of this age, he should become a “fool” so that he may become wise. ¹⁹For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God’s sight. As it is written: “He catches the wise in their craftiness”^[a]; ²⁰and again, “The Lord knows that the thoughts of the wise are futile.”^{[b] 21}So then, no more boasting about men! All things are yours, ²²whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas^[c] or the world or life or death or the present or the future—all are yours, ²³and you are of Christ, and Christ is of God.

- Barbara Brown Taylor
from her book Bread of Angels

⁵ At Gibeon the LORD appeared to Solomon during the night in a dream, and God said, “Ask for whatever you want me to give you.”

⁶ Solomon answered, “You have shown great kindness to your servant, my father David, because he was faithful to you and righteous and upright in heart. You have continued this great kindness to him and have given him a son to sit on his throne this very day.

⁷ “Now, O LORD my God, you have made your servant king in place of my father David. But I am only a little child and do not know how to carry out my duties. ⁸ Your servant is here among the people you have chosen, a great people, too numerous to count or number. ⁹ So give your servant a discerning heart to govern your people and to distinguish between right and wrong. For who is able to govern this great people of yours?”

¹⁰ The Lord was pleased that Solomon had asked for this. ¹¹ So God said to him, “Since you have asked for this and not for long life or wealth for yourself, nor have asked for the death of your enemies but for discernment in administering justice, ¹² I will do what you have asked. I will give you a wise and discerning heart, so that there will never have been anyone like you, nor will there ever be. ¹³ Moreover, I will give you what you have not asked for—both riches and honor—so that in your lifetime you will have no equal among kings. ¹⁴ And if you walk in my ways and obey my statutes and commands as David your father did, I will give you a long life.”